“The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave the lustre of midday to objects below.” I love that story. I read it to my children every year at Christmas when they were small. A local meteorologist is calling our area Tex”SNOW”ma. We have 10 inches on the ground in early January.  Unusual.

Winter is supposed to be the time to slow down, right? Winter is the time to take stock, right?? It’s time to start planning to make 2025 a great year, right???

There’s a lot of distractions right now. Fire. Snow. Flooding. Politics. Life. Family (mine just increased a lot overnight. Like a lot a lot.)

I have a litany of things I want to do this winter. Clean my carpets, organize my closet (someone please help me!), plan the garden, make a dress, read a book. Self-care is a priority this winter. Do something I love. Do something that makes me happy. Slow down.

Is that happening? *** no. Ugh. Stress is prevalent around here. I am still grieving, which affects all aspects of my life. And my family’s life. And my coworker’s life. Everything.

Grief is an odd thing. It has definitely taken me down a notch. It is all encompassing without really knowing it’s there. Those quiet moments when I am supposed to be planning blog posts, meshing out my next soap, deciding what bath products to make, those are the times when Mom is with me the most. She was the creative one. She was the one that I would bounce ideas off of. I would talk to her daily and tell her what my plans were for the evening, day, week, whatever.

Grief has driven me to do something I never thought I would. I was adopted straight out of the hospital at 3 days old. I have always known that I was adopted. I look different than the family that raised me. I am blond haired. They are all dark headed. I always wondered where I was from. Who I am. There is a whole that has been even present. What would my life had been like? What are my parents like? Do I have a SISTER??? I did a DNA test. I found my family.

Grief can be good. My grief is manageable now. I try not to hold it in. I let myself feel sadness. There is nothing wrong with that. I miss her and that’s ok. I cry (I HATE to cry). I talk about my feelings. Ugh. Feelings. I take this time to remind myself that Mom was very proud of me. Mom loved me dearly. I was chosen to be part of their family. I was lucky to have a fantastic family. Mom is still with me and will be always.

Finding my birth family has opened up a new chapter in my life. Not much different than what the snow is doing for the sleeping garden. I feel like my garden. Like I have been under a beautiful blanket of protective snow my whole life and now it is starting to melt. Watering what is about to grow. My grief has felt like a dirty mantle that I am ready to shed. It’s time for renewal. It’s time for change.

My birth family has brought me 3 sisters (!!!) and 3 brothers. The snow is melting. My birth family has brought me a father that wants to make up lost time and a mother that wants to reconnect. The snow is melting. My grief is easing. The snow is melting.

My spring renewal has begun. I have not done much of my winter to-do list but that is ok, too. I did get my carpets cleaned! YAY! I will plan the garden. Soap will be planned. Closet can wait, it’s made it this long without complaining. I am going to take this time to slow down and nurture what has been planted.

The fresh snow reminds me that just beneath, the strawberries are still thriving. The grass is insulated. The flowers are still sleeping. Some seeds need this cold time to break out of their shell. It’s a time of softening. Kinda like the soft, fresh snow. The spring will be beautiful. It always is. Mother Nature has renewal down pat.

Just like Mother Nature does with the land, I too will be renewed. Good Grief. That is my new mantra. I am using my grief for good. I am growing my soul. Like the coming Spring, this journey will lead me to beautiful things. I just know it.